How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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