I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
