dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
