Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
