I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
