Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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