I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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