so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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