they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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