Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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