his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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