WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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