well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
