I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
