Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
