I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
