I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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