dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
