so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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