He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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