I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You have to summon your inner elephant
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
