We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
