Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
