I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
