His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
