Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
