Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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