Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
