Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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