I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
