he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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