Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She bit a glass in half.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
