so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
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Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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