I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
