She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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