Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
