can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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