I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
