i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
