I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
