last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
