somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
