they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
