you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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