and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
