After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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