very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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