She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm passing your future prison.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
