perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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