why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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