just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
