The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Less talking, more tequila
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize