I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
