Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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