If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
