I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
