On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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