My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
