I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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