So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
