Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
