They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
