Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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