What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize